The fact that I just watched Jon & Kate announce their separation and ultimate divorce is so wrong.
It would be one thing if this were the president of the United States divorcing his wife. That level of personality needs to be covered by news organizations and it would be worthy news. And you report it as it happens, as it is.
But with Jon & Kate, we're talking about a regular couple who happen to have a TV show that features the circus that is a family of 10 including one set of twins and a set of sextuplets. Their show is not news. It's pure entertainment. And as such, their divorce did not have to be covered.
And it certainly should not have been promoted.
I don't fault Jon or Kate Gosselin. Kate said this separation/divorce would have happened if they had a show or not. Jon says he stood his ground (presumably after being henpecked for the 10 years of their marriage). Good for him. But you have to wonder if things would have been different had they not had this voyeuistic hit TV show on their hands.
The fault lies with Discovery Networks and specifically TLC, The Learning Channel, where their show airs. And, I guess we have to point the finger at Figure 8, the company that does the actual production of the show.
They knew what was going on. They knew what was going to be said. They should not have allowed this episode to be shot. Nor should anyone have promoted their divorce announcement. Celebrating divorce? In this country where 50% of marriages end up there? Absolutely not! We've got our priorities upside down. Instead of promoting (and therefore celebrating) their divorce, we should be encouraging and celebrating successful marriages.
Remember, TLC sold advertising for this show. They made money-big bucks-off of this family tragedy. Reprehensible!
Personal is one thing. Private is another. A person can choose to divulge personal information to whomever he or she chooses. But certain things need to remain private. Marital problems should remain private. I don't care who you are. The sanctity of your marriage is something precious and should be guarded with bank vault security.
This is where Jon & Kate made their mistake. They allowed their TV show to delve into sacred ground. It's fun to see the goings on of a family with eight multiple-birth kids. America watched as they organized birthday parties, took trips to Hawaii and moved into a bigger home. Personal events ok for public consumption. But they stepped over their own line when their marriage became fodder for their own show. Kate should have said “No, our marriage is off limits.” But she opened the door and let America into their hearts. Kate protected her kitchen more than she protected her marriage. And admittedly passive Jon let it happen.
What were they thinking? Just because the cameras don't show what's going on in the bedroom at night doesn't mean their marriage hadn't been violated. We were given permission to see what we shouldn't have seen. Like kids peering through their parents' keyhole. Uh-oh, that doesn't look good.
Kids, life lesson number one: never display your dirty laundry.
It's sad to see that their marriage is ending. What I kept hoping to hear from either one of them was “we hope to work things out, communicate better and save our marriage.” We heard nothing like that from either Jon or Kate.
If you watched the show, you heard both of them say a million times, we're doing this for the kids, it's all for the kids. Where's my buzzer. Wrong!
As counter-intuitive as it may seem, the higher priority should be your spouse. In the long run, your kids will be off on their own, married to their soul mates. In the meantime, if you've not cultivated your own marriage, when that nest empties out, what you've got is a couple that looks at each other dumbfoundedly and asks, “now what?”
Kids, life lesson number two. Cultivate your marriage even after your kids have been born, especially after the munchkins take over. No, don't let them take over your life. Your marriage is the one thing, the only thing you and your spouse have together. It's like a soft, gentle soap bubble that you need to keep from exploding. Hold it just right and everything's fine. Too much jostling and you're liable to let it burst.
So go on date nights after you're married. Court one another like you did when you were dating. Try to duplicate the feeling when you first held hands. That sweaty palm, your heart racing at the touch.
I suspect Jon and Kate did everything for their kids and nothing, certainly not enough, for themselves. Yes you have to take care of the little ones. Kids are needing of lots of attention and nurturing. But you can't ignore your husband or your wife in the process. Love your spouse. Remember your spouse always. Cherish your spouse. And especially your marriage.
It's the only thing the two of you really have.
