Amateur Advice on Courtship, Love and Marriage
I think it's wrong to dictate the length of courtships. Generally, it's probably better for longer courtships. But R and I are a good argument that it can work with barely any dating time together. This year we celebrate 18 years together.
The more important thing is the basis of the relationship. If it's based on friendship and nothing more, you're off to a great start. Love will grow out of that. If it's based on the physical, you might have some issues there. Cuz the physical will wane, wither and go away eventually.
I think most pastors (and probably most people, too) will say that a longer courtship is better. You find out more about each other, what makes the other person tick. What buttons cause the other to freak out. If you say to yourself "why am I here?" you might have a problem.
That phrase "love is blind" has 2 layers. It means we're so caught up in one other that nothing else matters. But when the dust settles, and a more routine life kicks in, love needs to be blind because those little things that bug the heck out of you will rear their ugly heads and if you're not blind to it, it'll cause problems in your marriage.
The other saying that I believe works is "don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without." You want to find someone who completes you. Not only compatible, but complementary. Someone you are willing to sacrifice for. Because in the long run, that's one of the greatest things that love causes us to do: sacrifice for one another.
And finally, another thing that rings true and I've heard so many people say it. When you've found the right person, you'll know. There'll be absolutely no doubt. I found that I felt out of control to a certain degree when it came to R. That it wasn't me proposing, it was God saying the words for me. It was Him guiding me to make that trip to Manila. It wasn't something I was cognizant of while it was happening, but when I looked back, I realized that Someone was guiding me. You'll know.
